Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Day the Earth Stood Still - Utter shit

This movie could have been a two hour-long story about people dying, bombs exploding and women getting their tits out. Instead, it turned out to be a boring documentary about how shit an actor Keanu Reeves actually is. The man is a walking plank. Throughout the entire movie, the only expression that graced his face was one that made you wonder whether he was about to squat down and take a shit or not. The main woman character in the story is a single mother / best scientist in the whole wide world. She cries alot. Her son, an annoying little fucker who nearly gets them all killed, will periodically make you raise your hand as if you’re going to give the television screen a backhander.

The story starts off with Reeves walking around the Antartic for no fucking reason. While messing around in the snow, he happens across a large glowing ball of light. He then decides that the best thing to do with a large glowing ball of light is to hit it with an ice pick and stick his hand inside. He dies. Fast forward a few decades to the present day and everybody is getting worked up over some sort of object that is speeding towards earth. The object turns out to be yet another ball of light. The ball lands in the middle of New York City and onlookers are shocked to find out that the object is in fact, some sort of alien spacecraft. More shocking (to me at least) is the fact that it’s carrying a bad actor on board. So out steps an alien version of Keanu. He speaks like a lobotomy patient and can never give a clear answer to any question asked, which is perfectly normal pattern of behaviour for any alien that flew millions of miles to get here... right? Anyway; Keanu is here to make us change our ways. We are killing the planet and we must stop. If we don’t stop; all human life will be exterminated. Blah blah blah, Keanu sees a child cry and decides that humans aren’t that bad afterall. He then leaves. Something I wish he could do in real life. In conclusion: this movie is so bad that they should have charged everyone who didn’t go and see it. Don’t go and see it.


  1. How ironic that you call The Day That the Earth Stood Still utter shit when you're full of it.

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