Saturday, August 22, 2009

Children screaming, having fun... It's the season...

I'm sitting here trying to channel my hatred for children into one single coherent blog post, and all that I can hear right now is my dog barking out back, begging for me to test out my new shovel on his face. I'm serious. That little mongrel had better shut his face.

This afternoon, I was finally getting around to writing a ransom note to the parents of some girl that I acquired in Portugal a few years ago, when I was interrupted by a group of children a few houses down. They were screaming, having fun and being little brats. So it got me thinking. If I were to inject some ice cream with rat poison and I accidentally threw that ice cream over my wall, and my next-door neighbour's wall, and their next-door neighbour's wall, could I be charged with murder, or could I argue that I am the greatest man alive and therefore well above the law?

These children were literally screaming at the top of their lungs. It's as if Freddy Kruger and Michael Jackson had a love child and that love child suddenly appeared in their garden with a big dirty grin on his face. I could picture them smiling and running around and having fun and screaming and drinking their lemonade and screaming some more and then smiling and having even more fun. Now I know why they invented the belt. Little fuckers.

And where were the parents while these children ran around and screamed as if they were being murdered? I swear to God. Parents who refuse to put manners on their children should be fucking hung up and shot and then beaten with a shovel that has just been used on the skull of a barking dog and then pissed on. The lazy fucking bastards. If you can't handle your children, do what every other sane parent does and put the little fucking demons up for adoption. Don't let them run around with their snotty noses, screaming and shouting. Punch their lights out.


  1. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who hates kids screaming. I've hated that since I was their age. And so, I'd rather beat the tar out of them and any who try to stop me.

  2. You swear to God? Then why don't you go kill yourself, you big fat jerk?!

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