Thursday, July 16, 2009

I ate Michael Jackson's corpse

I was busy scratching my balls the other day when I suddenly heard a group of children playing and having fun outside my house. At first I just stood in the window swearing and shaking my fist for a bit, but then I realised that my vicious Rottweiler dog "Shitter" hadn't been let out in a few months............ so I laughed to myself and figured that I'd go and shout at him instead. Shitter was always angry because I was always hitting him with stuff. I went out into the garden and picked up Shitter's Rock, as I called it. Shitter's rock was a huge boulder with blood stains all over it. I had managed to get it up to shoulders height when I flung it straight up into the air as hard as I could. Shitter, being the type of dog that has to catch anything that is up in the air, with his face, rocketed out from his shed and dived straight towards it, mouth open and teeth showing.

After cleaning up all the blood with a power hose and dragging Shitter back into his shopping trolley, I made my way back into the house, only to find out that I am the most awesome person in the universe and that everything I say is always right and that anybody who feels as if they need to have an opinion that is different from mine is a Communist. After ringing up an ex girlfriend and threatening to burn down her parents home, I decided that I'd have some food, so I poured salt on my hand and ate it.

The end.

6 comments:

  1. So you only threatened to burn their house down?

    Pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Replies
    1. How'd you like it some guy or gal threatened you? If so and your pay the price for it, don't blame me.

      Delete
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  4. You're a big fat liar for claiming that you ate Michael Jackson's corpse. What are you, a cannibal? If so, you oughtta be locked up for the rest o' your miserable life like the sick-minded jerk you are.

    ReplyDelete