Tuesday, May 5, 2009

How Grand Theft Auto helped me clean the streets of hookers

  • Drive around in a police car looking for black people to beat up. Remember; all black people do drugs and are therefore criminals. Extra points for finding Rodney.
  • Pick up a hooker, drive towards a cliff and then jump out just before the car goes flying over the edge. Repeat this process until the streets are clean.
  • Recreate the Ipswich incident by going curb crawling for prostitutes to murder. Use a knife; it's funnier.
  • Never EVER let a civilian escape. I remember chasing one bitch nearly five blocks on foot. I beat her to death with a baseball bat and reversed over her in a taxi... just to be sure.
  • The guys you see preaching on the street every now and again? Beat them until they're writhing in agony on the floor. Then wait for the ambulance to arrive, kill the driver, steal the ambulance and finish the job. By job I mean preacher and by finish I mean run over. Multiple times.
  • Punch an elderly woman in the face, wait for some random male pedestrian to White Knight himself into the equation and then take out a shotgun. If only the graphics in the game could portray the look on his face now.
  • Kick a taxi and call the cops. What will happen is that the taxi driver will get out and try to fight you, the cops will show up shortly afterwards, see him hit you and proceed to arrest him. Once they put him in the back of the cop car, steal the cop car and bring him for a ride around town. Think of every taxi driver who's ever been a cunt to you. You'll know what to do.
  • Steal a fire engine, go on a city-wide rampage and crash into every single car on the road. Seriously, you haven't seen a car fly until it's been hit by a speeding fire truck.
  • Get a rocket launcher, aim just below your feet and let it rip. Sure you'll be killed by the resulting blast, but the fun part about all of this is watching how far your body will fly.

1 comment:

  1. You racist! Not all black people do drugs and are criminals. I made friends with some black people.

    How would you like it if other people are racist to you? If you don't, then don't be racist to them.