Thursday, April 16, 2009

Types of people that you should hate: Conspiracy Nuts

If anything is going to change my mind on whether 9/11 was an inside job or not, it’s bound to be an amateur YouTube video with a chilling soundtrack, the muffled voiceover of a guy with too much time on his hands and a few nicely selected snapshot quotes, highlighted in bold writing and placed at certain points throughout the video in order to force me into some kind of logical submission. OH DAMN I CAN’T ARGUE AGAINST THAT, YOU’VE CERTAINLY GOT ME THERE! BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, IF A FIREMAN SAID IT THEN IT MUST BE OFFICIAL. Yes, because if anyone is going to uncover a conspiracy of such epic proportions, it’s going to be somebody with a fucking YouTube account. “OMG BUT STEEL DOESN’T MELT AT THAT TEMPERATURE”, they will most likely say, oblivious to the fact that although steel doesn’t melt at such a temperature, it most certainly does lose 50% of its strength. But let us not kid ourselves because there’s no point in even wasting our time to state such a fact, as he or she will most likely side step that part of the conversation and move onto something else, jumping from point to point until he or she has successfully provided you with a live definition of what post-hoc rationalisation actually is. Even more retarded is the fact that some of these fucktards question why a passenger jet travelling at over 500mph didn’t leave behind a wing or two after it crashed head-on into a building.

A few weeks ago, I had the grave misfortune of having to sit and listen to a conspiracy nut telling me all about how Facebook is “supposedly” run by the CIA and how the New World Order are behind certain elements of the Lisbon Treaty. He even went on to insinuate that the NSA were probably listening in on our conversation, as if they somehow have nothing better to be doing than listening in on what two guys in Ireland are chatting about over a quick cigarette. I quickly told him that it was all bullshit, only for him to turn around and look at me in complete shock, as if I had a tarantula on my face. This was all because he was too familiar with people entertaining his pot-fuelled fantasies and therefore wasn’t used to being told the obvious; that both he and his theories suck a whole load of balls... so much balls in fact, that if they were to all blow their load at the exact same moment in time, we’d all be drowned in a gigantic tsunami of pubes and semen, leading to a baby boom and a few years of awkward silence. The fact is that the only people who believe in this kind of crap are those who are given spoons instead of forks and others that are so bored with their lives that they feel the need to construct a false reality of conspiracy theories, aliens and women with equal rights.


  1. I just wanted to say;

    "nuff said"

    this would be more effective if you could see me dressed in full ghetto booty regalia.

    Oh and for the record, facebook is run, not by the CIA, but by cunts, for cunts.

    excellent blog by the way