Saturday, April 18, 2009

My "Sent Folder"

Have you ever taken the time to browse through your sent folder? It’s a great way take a quick look back on the past, as certain emails will no doubtfully trigger a few memories. Both welcome and unwelcome. Either way; they always help put a few things in the present back into perspective. Anyway, I thought that I’d share a few gems that I found in my sent folder.

Dear Mr Gok Wan,

I am writing to you to apologise for my behaviour last week. Please take my word for it when I say that it was all just one big misunderstanding. You see, I had recently just bought a second hand book on Thai massages, and in one of chapters, they explain how relaxing it can be to have a masseuse gently caress the side of your face with their fist. The cock-up arose however, out of the fact that the word gently had its first letter worn away, leaving behind the pseudo-word “ently.” Of course, seeing as the words fist and face were being used in the exact same sentence, I automatically assumed that the original word was meant to be “violently.” I sincerely apologise for breaking your glasses, your nose, your cheekbone, your spine and for biting your minders ear when he saw it fit to drag me away. Please understand that I was only trying to help you relax. Anyway, I hope that you get out of hospital soon. I heard that they began to see signs of life yesterday. That’s good. Hope you get well soon.

PS: Just wondering if you could possibly drop the charges?

Your pal,
Hellbrain

Dear Mr Dog Whisperer,

Firstly, allow me to tell how much I enjoy watching your show. The first episode, where you tried to break out completely blew me away and left me on the edge of my seat.
Anyway, I am writing to you to ask you to help put an end to a dispute that has arisen between me and a friend. He has told me that I was not watching your show and that I was in fact watching some fictional show called Prison Break; and that you would never condone animal cruelty. He has also threatened to ring the relevant law authorities if I continue to try and stab my dog with makeshift knives made out of tooth brushes. He reckons that my misunderstanding arose out of the fact that he had recorded the show over one of your videos. I told him to shut his mouth. Please get back to me as soon as possible.

A big fan,
Hellbrain

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