Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My interview with Barack Obama

Me: Firstly Mr President, I’d like to start out by thanking you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to answer some questions.
Obama: Oh, no problem at all. What newspaper did you say you were from again?
Me: Anyway. Let’s get started. What do you have to say to all of those homeless people who are pretty much peeved off at you for not delivering the change that you had promised?
Obama: Well, if you think about it, I actually have delivered change. I’ve shut down Guantanamo Bay, a prison that was hurting our prospects of good foreign relations with other countries, and have set into motion an economic stimulus package that will help save our economy. I and a lot of others would call that change. *winks and then chuckles*
Me: No sir, I think you kind of misunderstood me. What I meant was that homeless people in America feel pretty jilted over the fact that you haven’t given them the spare change that you promised during the run-up to the election.
Obama: Eh, I never said anything about spare change so I don’t think that I fully understand what you’re getting at here.
Me: Let’s not beat around the bush Mr President. You promised spare change and yet not one single homeless person has gotten any.
Obama: Hm, I think that you’ve got your wires crossed. When I said change, I was talking about the change that people would see in the future if they elected me.
Me: Yes Mr President, I understand that, but not one single homeless person has gotten any of this spare change?
Obama: Could you stop saying “spare change”? I never once said anything about “spare change”. The change that I was talking about is not the kind of change that you hand out to homeless people on the street.
Me: Oh so homeless people aren’t entitled to change? Is that what you’re saying!
Obama: No, I didn’t mean it that way. They are entitled to change. Just not the kind of change that you’re talking about.
Me: So what kind of change are we talking about here? 10 cents? 20 cents? A dollar maybe?
Obama: This interview will be over if you continue with this ridiculous notion of yours. What media outlet did you say you were from again?
Me: Anyway, moving on. How does it feel to be the first black president of America?
Obama: It feels great to be a part of something so historic. As I was saying to Michelle, our nation has come a long-
Me: Just to clarify. You mean, Michelle Obama, your ho, right?
Obama: What did you just say?
Me: I said that Michelle is your ho?
Obama: She is not my ho?! How dare you even say-
Me: What do you mean she’s not your ho?
Obama: Michelle is my wife. NOT my ho.
Me: But I was under the impression that black people in America don’t have wives; that they have hoes instead?
Obama: And what, besides ignorance, gave you that impression?
Me: Your ambassador to Ireland, Mr 50 Cent.
Obama: 50 Cent is not the US ambassador to Ireland. 50 Cent is a rap musician.
Me: Are you sure?
Obama: Yes. I am pretty sure that Mr Cent is not the US ambassador to Ireland.
Me: Kanye?
Obama: No, not Kanye West either. He’s another rapper. Oh, and just in case you didn’t know: The word “ho” is a derogatory statement used by some of those in the rap industry to describe women. It’s insulting. Be sure to realise that not all black men are as misogynistic.
Me: Oh righteo then, sorry. My mistake. So, your bitch, Michelle Obama-
Obama: Did you just call my wife a bitch?
Me: Yea?
Obama: Let’s stop talking about my wife altogether ok? You’re obviously incapable of holding a serious conversation concerning women.
Me: My five wives back home would disagree.
Obama: Are you a Muslim?
Me: No.
Obama: Right. So is there some other religion out there, that I don’t know about that permits such a marriage arrangement?
Me: Not that I’m aware of, no.
Obama: Then why do you have five wives?
Me: The other’s complained that the house was understaffed.
Obama: Understaffed?
Me: Yea, apparently cleaning the dishes all day is tiresome.
Obama: That is an utterly disgraceful way to treat the women in your life.
Me: Hey, different cultures etc.
Obama: You’re Irish. I don’t think it’s a part of your culture to have five wives.
Me: I’m Irish, therefore I can blame it on having an alcohol problem.
Obama: Stereotyping your own people now? That’s just great. You grow potatoes too right?
Me: Stop being a racist.
Obama: What? You were the one stereotyping your own culture!
Me: Ok. Let’s just change the subject.
Obama: *laughs*
Me: Why are you laughing?
Obama: You said “change”. It’s my favourite word.*chuckles*
Me: Eh, what?
Obama: You know what? I wish that there was a way for me to officially replace every word in the dictionary with the word change.
Me: That’s just crazy. It’s probably the most stupid idea I’ve ever heard coming from a US President; and bear in mind that I’ve lived through the Bush years. I mean, I might partly agree to the word cunt becoming an overall replacement, but “change”?
Obama: Ha ha, I get what you’re changing.
Me: Huh?
Obama: I was just changing the change. You know?
Me: What the fuck are you talking about?
Obama: I’m just saying that change is changing like change in change change.
Me: Are you seriously replacing random words in your sentences with the word change?
Obama: Change.
Me: It’s been nice talking to you Mr Obama.

3 comments:

  1. Ask not what what your change can do for you, ask what your change can chanage for changes sake.....


    The Don

    ReplyDelete
  2. My apologies but I'm not too change if I get what you're changing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think that you have any idea what you just posted in this blog.

      Delete