Monday, April 27, 2009

I hate children - and you.

Here are a few submissions from children that I've gotten over the past week or two. I usually delete emails from children and burn their letters. But this time I figured that I'd show the world the kind of mindless shit I have to put up with.

Hi Hellbrain. My mummy said that you’re a liar and that Santa Clause does exist and that you’re just mean and horrible.

Sandy, Age 8

No offense Sandy, but your mother has been filling your ears full of shit. How do you find it inside yourself to go along with this crap?! Are you really stupid enough to believe that a fat guy named Santa makes presents and then just hands them out for free? If so, I hope that you’re not planning on going to college or anything... or school for that matter. The fact is; nobody is kind enough to hand out stuff for free. When I was young nobody ever gave me anything. I was told to go play by the reservoir. And I did. I didn’t have shitty make-believe friends that squeezed down my fireplace. I had a dead rabbit called George and a sock full of rocks that I hit other kids with who were happier than me. Think about it Sandy! Just think about it! Reindeers can’t fly, and if they could you’d probably have PETA and their army of unwashed hippy vegetarian teenagers bitching about animal abuse, picketing the North Pole and generally ruining everybody else’s fun. And what about the elves Sandy? Who would pay them? If Santa existed, he wouldn’t exactly be the wealthiest man alive now would he? The idiot hands out stuff for free for crying out loud! How on earth could he be? So who pays the elves for their year-long labour Sandy? Nobody? Do you agree with slavery Sandy? Do you believe that small people should be made to work all year long for nothing? What a mean little girl you’ve turned out to be.

Mr Hellbrain, here is a poem that I wrote you:I seen a bluebottle, It flew in my house, It was black and blue, Smaller than a mouse.

George, Age 6

If you ever send me shit like this again I’m going to find you and ship you off to India to make sweaters. What the fuck are you doing wasting your time writing poems about fucking Bluebottles? All Bluebottles do all day is eat shit and lay eggs that eventually become maggots. If I was your father and I had found you writing this crap I would have locked you in the cellar.

51 comments:

  1. Dear Mr Hellbrain,

    As President of alladultshaveissuestoo.com I was most disappointed to read of your virulent and illogical hatred of children such as myself. In my seven long and fruitful years of life I have never come across someone with such disturbing anger, an anger which I am sure stems from your own sense of self loathing which was obviously instilled in you at a very young age. I think it was Freud who said 'Unless we shed the baggage we are lumbered with in our childhood, it will encumber us for the rest of our lives.'
    You should be aware that the life of an average child is not all champagne and roses. You try having to go to bed at eight o clock just as your favourite programme is starting. Or being made to eat horrible food in a restaurant just because you ordered it and Dad will have to pay for it. Or how about being made to wear a ghastly communion dress made from mothers old lace curtains! Or seeing your prized Bratz dolls crushed under the wheels of your brothers nitrous fuelled rocket thrust XLR thingy.

    So Mr Hellbrain or is that Mr Nobrain (please forgive my childish bitchyness) the next time you wish to vent your spleen on us children remember that the wisdom of old age can be negated by those who forget that they too, were once young.
    Yours Sincerely,
    Cathy Little (aged 7)
    www.adultshaveissuestoo.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FUCK OFF. You can't be seven years old, using all that vocabulary. If you're going to criticize anybody, don't do it under false pretenses. Show your real face, or back off.
      And BITCHYNESS?! What the hell kind of six year old swears?? What total hypocrisy! And it's "BITCHINESS", dumbass. I'm 25 years old and I can totally swear all I want.

      Delete
    2. I don't think that you have any idea how hypocritical you are too. If you think that you can swear all you want, then you try doing that at many nasty people in this world. In the end, they;ll beat you up without fear.

      Keep in my mind that true adults don't use that kind of language.

      Delete
    3. Cathy, even though I agree with you with you about Hellbrain's behavior problem, I don't believe that you are 7 years old 'cause I don't think that a seven-year-old would be able to use the Internet. So refrain from being dishonest.

      Another thing that I want to tell you, Cathy, is that you should also refrain from swearing if you don't like what Hellbrain made. By using his language, you're likely as bad as him. So try not to sink to his level.

      Delete
  2. I have to be honest and say that I didn't read any of that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sure. I believe you Mr Hellbrain. Of course you didn't read it, nor did you even glance at it as you typed in your response telling me you didn't read it. I may be young in years but I didn't come down in the last shower...well not in any of the last seven years. So there Mr Bellbrain!

    Yours Sincerely,
    Cathy Little (aged 7)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I told you to refrain from being dishonest for it won't do you any good.

      Delete
  4. It's all been done before by Maddox, maybe you should try something a bit more original

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People who kiss up to Maddox are just as messed up in the head as him.

      Delete
  5. How original would you like me to be smartypants? Before or after the Big Bang? Or are you referring to Mr Shellbrain? And who or what is Maddox?
    Cathy

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Anonymous:
    Let me get this straight. You read Damien Mulley's reference to Maddox on my fluffy link, clicked on it, parroted his opinion and then proceeded to label me as unoriginal? How about not letting others cock-feed you your opinion? How about not letting one post dictate your view on how original I am? Better yet, how dedicating the rest of your life to getting terminal cancer? Or has THAT BEEN DONE BEFORE!!!111!!!one!1

    ReplyDelete
  7. some one has never had vagina in their lives...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even though I don't like Mr. Hellbrain, I don't approve of that retort. Why do you care if he doesn't have a vagina? It's not in his nature to have one because he's male! Didn't you ever think of that?!

      Just 'cause you have a problem with Hellbrain, it doesn't mean that you can retort to him that way. If you wanna retort to him, then try something better.

      Delete
  8. It took Msr. Mulley's link for me to come across this second rate site, but I formed the opinion that it's a poor version of Maddox all by myself. It's painfully obvious to see that this article is modeled on 'Crappy Childrens Art' and you even use the same style of Guevara icon. Oh, and wishing cancer on people is also a curse favored by your muse (but in his case, it's nutsack cancer).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hellbrain's no better than Maddox.

      Delete
  9. 1: I like the way you say "I formed the opinion that it's a poor version of Maddox all by myself", as if thats some sort of resounding accomplishment.

    2: I picked the icon because I thought that it was funny. It being Josef Fritzl and all that. It's also important to note that the Che Guevara image is by far one of most abused (cut up, edited, you name it) images... ever; so accusing me of copying Maddox because of the fact that he chooses to abuse the very same iconic image is pretty God damn redundant if you ask me. But then again, you weren't asking me. You were too busy forming your own opinions... all by yourself.

    3: I've looked at the Crappy Children's Art article, and although there is a similarity in the tone that is taken towards children; the content is completely different. It has never been my intention to copy anyone. Not because I care about copyright infringement or anything, but because I have too large an ego to take somebody else's work and peddle it as my own.

    4: Holy shit... Maddox was actually the first person to tell another person to get cancer? Seriously. You're fishing. Now fuck off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why don't you do that instead, you jerk?

      Delete
  10. The "Crappy Children's Art" page is one of my favorites! Please find some more art to critique.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sick-minded kiss-up.

      Delete
  11. For writhing this excellent piece of social commentary, you are my hero.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, God, how I hate children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You definitely live up t your name, you excuse for a child hater.

      Delete
  13. The only thing I hate more than children are their braindead, retarded parents.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh great, another excuse for a child hater.

      Delete
  14. ROFL this post cracked me up. My brother and I cannot stand children and this might have something to do with the way we grew up...it would definitely be interesting for me to know why i really cannot stand them...But the poem about the bluebottle...that was some fun shit! I printed it and hung it on the fridge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're just as messed up in the head as Hellbrain, you liar. But if you and him wanna have sex until death, suit yourself. Just don't blame me or anyone else but yourself if you suffer the consequences.

      Delete
  15. I have AIDS. Does anyone else want it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How dare you ask such a question, you sick-minded excuse for a human. I don't think that you'd like it if someone asked you that.

      But if you insist on trying to give other people AIDs, may that disease devour you whole until you're no more.

      Delete
  16. I hate children so much! Their stupid squeaky voices,their screaming! I've always hated them,babies are horrid too.Ugly little poop making maggots,yuk!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi hellbrain,
    You must have issues. Anyone who makes a shitty website like this is probaly unemployed and a asshole living of Obamas paychecks who is addicted to thier computer. You say you hate children. I hate adults like you who a bitches. The guy above me is a little bastard. News Flash some children arent as dumb as youve chalked themup to be you dumbass. I hope you you fuck off.
    Signed
    Tony age 11

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn son. Your english is terrible! If youre going to try to make a point about the president, for whom yoi cant even vote DUMBASS, at least spell correctly. Dumb kids, with dumb ideas and poor spelling are the exact reason this website was made. When i was eleven i could out swear anyone. You seem barely literate enough to scribble your name on the back of your shit stained undies. Douche.

      Delete
    2. 1. at the first Anonymous:

      As much as I hate Hellbrain, I don't approve of what you post. You think that you're all that just 'cause you hate Hellbrain and adults. FYI, not all adults are bad.

      And why in the world do you claim to be elven-years-old? You don't sound like your eleven. Instead, you sound like a liar.

      And what's with that lie about livin' off of Obama's paychecks? You're no better than Hellbrain.

      2. at the second Anonymous:

      You're just as bad as the one who you replied to. You called kids dumb and complained about them having dumb ideas and poor spelling before posting that you could out swear anyone when you were. It turns out that you became who you hate. Therefore, shame on you, especially for swearing when you were that age since that kind of language does no one good.

      Delete
  18. LOL! Look at all these 7 and 11 year olds swearing! WTF? They are really some adults who need to get a fucking life. They got to stop pretending to be children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarcastic question: Oh my, aren't you, swell?

      Delete
    2. If you don't want people swearing, then don't swear either.

      Delete
  19. You're fantastic. Children are horrible, disgusting little shits.

    Sincerely, Petunia (age 2 and three quarters)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You butt-kissin' excuse for a child hater. I may not love all children. But I don't kiss up Hellbrain.

      Delete
    2. I meant to put "to" between "u" and "Hellbrain." My bad.

      Delete
  20. "Anyone who hates children and small animals can't be all bad." -- W.C. Fields

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That depends on the kind of person.

      Delete
  21. Tell the retarded parents out there that they should not take their squeaky ass kids to a restaurant unless their kids are well behaved. The minute the kids, whine, squeak, cry or otherwise disturb people trying to enjoy their meals!! Leave these squealy, headache makers at home with a sitter, or pay for my ruined meal. Kids?? ahhhhh-choooooooooooo!

    ReplyDelete
  22. did you mean to add something here, like ...The minute the kids, whine, squeak, cry or otherwise disturb people trying to enjoy their meals -- lock them in the car (with the window open) or take the whiny, snivelling brats the hell home!
    Do not take these kids to stores late at night, they are not cute, they are not tolerable and their curfew is ...an hour before I get there!! argh......rug rats!

    ReplyDelete
  23. why do people think that just because they popped out a few rug rats (selfishly to take care of them in their old age) that they achieved so much. So you had sex and kids happenned -- doesn't make YOU better than a kidless work-aholic trying to make ends meet alone -- so take those wallet photos and shove them, nobody cares to see your ugly kids.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Fuck children I hate them all, my only hope for the future is the creation of a virus that impairs hearing, speaking, runnin & thinking until them little leecherous fucks become 21

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know? That's too nasty of you! Even though I'm not child lover, I'd NEVER EVER wish those horrible things on all kids.

      How would you like it someone wished a virus to kill you painfully? If so, be my guest. But if you die from that disease, I don't think that anyone will miss you. In fact, I'd laugh my cruelly at you.

      Delete
  25. I would rather slit my wrists with a rusty screw than have children.
    Btw I am a woman, so remember that we can--and will--hate kids too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's pretty sick-minded of you. You sound like you're forced to choose between those options. FYI, nobody's forcing you. So don't act like you are.

      And even though I refuse to have any kids, I'd never go so far as to slit my wrists. Instead, I simply stick with the decision to not have any children. Besides, slitting one's wrists is going to far and suicidal. And suicide never did anyone any good.

      Delete
  26. Children suck shit.

    I hate the smarmy little bastards, and the brain dead social inept cunts that spew them from their twats oblivious to fact everyone hates them and their hellspawn. Keep telling yourselves you look great pregnant and your screaming screeching shrill yelling little vagina droppings are adorable you fucking brainless hags.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ill pray to the lord that he forgives you all

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can do that if you want to. But I choose not 'cause I loathe Hellbrain as much as I loathe Maddox. And so, whatever bad things happened, happen, and/or will happen to both of them are no concern of mine.

      Delete
  28. Comment sections like this one is why comment sections should never be.

    ReplyDelete