Friday, April 24, 2009

How to respond to women

Woman Statement #1: Why can't you be more like that?
Answer: Because I'd probably have to quit my current job and become an actor who stars in shitty unrealistic Rom-Com movies where the main male character plays the part of a walking vagina.

Woman Statement #2: We need to talk.
Answer: Correction. You need to talk. I need to finish playing video games where I get to sell drugs and mow down pedestrians in a fire engine.

Woman Statement #3: You're such a typical man.
Answer: Hence the penis.

Woman Statement #4: You never listen.
Answer: I'll listen as soon as you stop talking.

Woman Statement #5: I'm not upset.
Answer: I didn't ask you if you were.

Woman Statement #6: FINE!
Answer: Glad you see things my way.

Woman Statement #7: Does my bum look big in this?
Answer: Stop fishing for compliments.

Woman Statement #8: You can't have your cake and eat it!
Answer: Then what's the point of having cake in the first place?!

Woman Statement #9: And who is she?
Answer: My next girlfriend if you don't shut up.

Woman Statement #10: You got it in my eye you bastard!
Answer: Learn to swallow.


  1. "I never have an orgasm"

    "Stop reading fairytales"

  2. "you're so childish"

    "you drink so much"

    "you're can't just jam it in without warning"

  3. I think we could make a book on this. Titled:

    How men aught to treat their rightful possessions.

  4. I don't need advice from a guy like you cause, frankly, you don't give good advice at all.