Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The country is fucked - complaining will fix it!

Ok, so our country is fucked, the government are a shower of cunts and to make matters worse, Ireland has turned into a nation of complaining fuckheads. If you think that any of the other political parties are good enough to do a better job, well then you're clearly even more retarded than I had first thought. Enda Kenny? Fuck off. Eamon Gilmore? Go away and stop talking to me.

No. Extreme measures are needed to put this place back into shape. With those extreme measures being me, which admittedly means that we only have to take one extreme measure and not a whole host of them. Here are my proposals.

  • Every single politician in Ireland will be rounded up, shot with their own shit and then deported.
  • Anybody who has ever thought about becoming a politician will be rounded up, shot with their own shit and then deported.
  • Old people? Rounded up, shot with their own shit and then deported.
  • Criminals? Forced to kill each other in a mass battle royal that will be aired live on RTE. The last survivor will then be rounded up, shot with his own shit and deported.
  • Everyone will be forced to smile. Anyone caught frowning or engaging in a conversation about the recession will be forced to eat their own shit, vomit it back up into the barrel of a gun and then wait to be shot with it again! What comes next should be obvious by now.
  • The Corrs? You betcha!
  • Gok Wan will be smuggled into the country, shot with his own shit and then deported.
  • Ronan Keating? As good as gone.
  • Matt Cooper? Bye!
  • Gerry Ryan? I will personally do it myself.
  • Prime Time will be banned.
  • The state will start to sell it's own brand of cigarettes. Smoking will be made mandatory. Ash Ireland destroyed.
  • Any fucktard wearing a Concern vest will no longer be protected under law.
  • Children will no longer be allowed to have any fun.
  • Fair City will be replaced by an hour long picture slide show of me.
  • Gay Bryne will be politely told to shut his cunt.
  • A tax on stupidity will be introduced.
  • Corporal punishment in schools and in the home and on the streets will be revived and put back into legislation.
  • Homeless people will be eaten.
  • Rapists, paedophiles etc; all sent into space to become the first people to land on the sun.
  • If problems arise, Ryan Tubridy will be sent to rescue them.
  • If Tubridy runs into problems, Pat Kenny will be sent to rescue him.
  • This process will then repeat itself until everybody on Irish television is gone.
  • Fanny packs and flip flops banned. Period.
  • Liverpool fans will no longer be referred to as real people.
  • Anybody who holds up queues or walks slowly in front of others will be sold to Somali pirates.
  • Skangers and chavs alike will be forced to eat soap.
  • Boy racers will all be rounded up into concentration camps and gassed. No exceptions.
  • Pissy male bus drivers who bitch all day will be told to stop menstruating in work.
I'm far too busy to finish this but if you reckon that you have something to add to this, drop a comment.

3 comments:

  1. I like your ideas, gonna implement them in the U.S.with deportations to Antarctica

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  2. If you think that complaining's the only thing that will fix this country's problems, then you're sadly mistaken. Complaining all the time will just cause problems to pile up tenfold.

    ReplyDelete