Thursday, April 2, 2009

Best jobs in the world

Riot Police:

Is there anything better than being given the legal authority to go out and crack open some heads with a baton? The answer to that question is obviously not, especially seeing as your targets will mostly consist of pot-smoking pseudo-Anarchist teenagers and Green Peace hippies, who by the way should be beaten regardless of whether they actually broke the law or not. Remember the Dublin Riots? I do. Man wouldn't it have been great to have been given strict orders to maim and kill as many skangers as you physically could. Yea, that wasn't a question.

College Lecturer:

Not so long ago, one of my lecturers went missing for a period of time, only to come back two weeks later with a brand new lovely haircut. I often wonder what he got up to in this time frame. Maybe he travelled the world, sipping champagne on cruise ships and smoking Cuban cigars. Or maybe he just woke up one morning, grabbed the leather jacket that he wears in order to relate to us hip college kids, and set off into the distance, searching for the best barber shop known to man? Who knows? All I do know is that I was pretty tempted to file a missing persons report, both before and after he arrived back.


This is how easy it is to be an astrologer:

"Today, you should follow your heart when it comes to decisions concerning your career. A new face will arrive on the scene. A problem that has been making you worry lately will be solved. Your cat will be run over by a fire truck. The Chinese food that you will order will most definitely give you food poisoning and confine you to the bathroom for the rest of the weekend. The FTSE will go up. Bet on number five. And just remember: the condom will rip, so congratulations, you're a daddy."

1 comment:

  1. Best jobs in the world? Who do you think you are, the parent or boss of other people?

    If you think that astrology's one of the best jobs in the world, you're sadly mistaken. That profession isn't a good one because it dabbles in black magic.