Thursday, March 26, 2009

Ash Ireland

One of my main goals in life; besides breaking the world record for the amount of old people punched in the face in one hour, is to hunt down every single person who has had anything to do with the success of Ash Ireland and make them drink my urine. For those of you who don't know and are too inept to use Google; Ash Ireland is a fascist organisation that is currently "working towards a tobacco free society", which in other words means that they are working towards a future where smokers are interned in mass concentration camps and fed stray dogs.

Only a few months ago, the price of 20 cigarettes in Ireland rose to around €8.10, forcing me to take up drug dealing and daylight muggings just to maintain that feeling of having black tar in my lungs. But now, these Stalinist pricks are lobbying for yet another €2 hike in the price of my beloved cancer sticks. Yes! What a great fucking idea guys!! Let's push smokers further under the cosh, forcing them to fuel a rising trade in black market cigarettes, so that criminal gangs can make more profits and in turn, buy more guns to strengthen their hold over the drugs trade!

Ash Ireland is funded by the Irish Cancer Association and the Irish Heart Foundation. I swear to God that if any fucktard wearing a yellow vest asks me to sponsor any of these companies by buying a scratch card, I am going to light up a cigarette and bite their nose off.

That brings me to my next point. Why are they trying to stop cancer anyway? Besides dead babies and people in wheelchairs, cancer is possibly one of the most funniest things in the world. The fact that it transformed the media's opinion of Jade Goody from a racist loud-mouthed bitch into a loving well-respected mother just goes to show how great this thing we call cancer actually is.

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