Monday, March 30, 2009

Anyone who listens to rap music is a tool

It all started when some cunt called DMX figured that it would be pretty unique and different to fill up parts of his songs with the sound of himself trying to bark like a dog. Fuck you. If I wanted to hear a dog bark I'd go out and kick the mongrel that I have in my back garden. Now I know that he tried to spin some deep story about how his only childhood friend was a dog etc, but I honestly couldn't give a shit. Just because you weren't liked by any of your peers, a fact that admittedly doesn't surprise me; it doesn't mean that you have the right to record 16 tracks of yourself barking like a mutt and then try to pawn it off as an album.

From then on, it only got worse, as Ja Rule was soon to show us. Firstly; who thought of his name and why haven't they been shot yet? It's as if two evil scientists came together just to invent the most fucktarded rap name known to man. His songs, if you're mentally disabled enough to call the crap that he shits out, songs, just reek of him trying to pretend as if he's somehow, the reincarnation of 2Pac Shakur, who died in a hail of gunfire back in 96, and in turn, earned my respect. Somebody needs to point out the fact that Ja Rule is unlikely to be the reincarnation of somebody who died after he was born.

Then, along came Eminem. THE REAL SLIM SHADY. No! Not the fake one! The REAL one! I find it funny how this guy went quiet for a couple of years, only to return with that moving piece of contemporary musical art that we now call "Crack a bottle". Great stuff dipshit! Your big comeback song is about as shallow as Jade Goody's wedding! Now fuck off.

Oh, and let us dare not forget about 50 Cent! The guy who makes a living out of the fact that somebody unfortunately didn't finish him off. I love the way he basically just re-released the same album three times, because in my opinion every one of his albums sounded the same as the last one. Boring, cliched and directed towards white suburban kids who listen to gangster rap in order to escape the fact that they're all a big bunch of vaginas. It was great to see 50 nearly crying his eyes out when he found out that Kanye West had sold more albums than him. He even started banging on about how he was going to leave the rap scene and never come back! As if anyone would actually give a shit!

And last but certainly not least; Soulja Boy. Holy fucking shit. This guy is probably the thickest cunt to ever be let out of the house by himself, let alone release a fucking album. Have you ever actually listened to any of his lyrics?

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch me Lean And Watch Me Rock?
Super Man Dat Hoe
Then Watch me Crank Dat Robocop?
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Soulja BoyI Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance
(Now You)
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
And If We Get The Fightin
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cause"I Got Me some Bathing Apes"

This kind of music makes me want to light my CD player on fire and toss it into an orphanage. How do they allow this crap to even be sold? There's quality guidelines for food that companies have to abide by, so why can't a similar system be set in place for the music industry? You'd like to think that somebody unrestrained by the need to actually make lyrics rhyme could come up with something a little bit more poignant than "I Got Me some Bathing Apes". But hey, obviously fucking not.

3 comments:

  1. Why on earth would anyone listen to that shit?

    Why would you even touch the cds?

    I certainly hope you didn't buy one.

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  2. I think everyone should have to pass a music test before being allowed to play on the radio.

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  3. It seems to me that both HellBrain and morgor are no better than negative rappers.

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